Why did you have a baby?I didn’t ask this in order for you to retrospect; it was my lamenting sigh when I saw this friend on Instagram holding her baby. I’ve been with her, watched her and for heaven’s sake she needed a therapist! “What happened” I began to think “that it made her feel that she can parent?” she must have been led to believe that parenting comes naturally; which is a myth I feel! Just to bring in perspective, I dropped a text asking what happened; of course rephrasing it better so it lands appropriate and I really hoped that she says it happened to be a surprise or for the sake of it and not say anything like it’s planned lest it leaves me marveled at her planning abilities! She said “I wanted to feel what it is for my heart to beat outside of me” Holyy Geee! You dared to have a baby for that? Dissection would have effectively helped. I only dared to think; not type that to her, she must have been on a high dose of pregnancy hormone! And then we got on a call and spoke of many things; and in the first few minutes of us talking I figured out that she still needed a therapist. And I got straight to the point- about the baby? She split her bosom of how acceptable she was of this child, that it brought her and her husband closer and that she only wants the best for her baby, she’d keep away the sadness from his eyes, that this child is bundle of joy and she went on and on …it rang high on my head- how do you know that this child will only bring you bundles of joy! What if the child ever wanted to say “NO” to your defined joys? By the time I hung on her, I had a fair picture of why she had that baby. She needed a prey for everything that she couldn’t be! I don’t blame her; she must only be a prodigy of her unconscious parent, or just the best in the limits of her consciousness. Damage is bound to happen anyway, owing to the conditioning that is skillfully engineered in every institution. But at least can we look into the damage that WE ARE before we pass that on with pride to our children. May be if you fix yourself, you won’t damage your child as much? You know your baby comes knowing. He knows why he is born to you, he knows his purpose but you disrupt everything in the guise of being loving, protective parents; and then he forgets! Parents why don’t you allow your child to be just what they are meant to be before you slap your pre-destined list on them? You tell them of fairy tales, A-grade, schools, college, marriage and how merrier a place this is to be in and they begin to look at you like you’ve mastered life; and in full swing you draw a chart for them to follow, check-boxes for them to deliver- one after the other, in order to reach that euphoric goalpost called Happiness and Success. They will be so willing to be a part of the crowd, so naively “surely mama-papa are not gonna take me down the wrong way” And even though the child knew that he was different, even though he wanted to say a NO; You’d leave him with no choice guising yourselves to have mastered this and so he vaporizes from his authentic spirit voice.
Heyy baby, here’s a message- DO NOT DELIVER THE CHECK-BOXES; they are not real! “But why not, I love my child.” Said the audacity in a parent Why don’t you love your child a little less? Why don’t you?You say “I want the best for my child”- Excuse me? Did the child tell you that he wanted the best? He only wants to be given enough space for him to figure out what’s best! Why don’t you see beyond conditioning. The child comes into your life as your greatest guru , it teaches you. When your baby vomits on your clothes just before you step out for that evening, he is teaching you detachment – “mama don’t be bothered about the clothes you wear!” Watch your child be schizophrenic, at one moment it yells and cries and in the other with happiness he lies. He is completely living in the now. He destroys the myth of being “happy” all the time and teaches you to step into authenticity. Learn forgiveness; learn to be in the now. “You can do it tomorrow”- “but mamma I want it now.” Watch that little recognize itself at the glorious sunset. Watch him as he sees the ocean, like he is seeing a replica of him in nature; that moment of utter shock or stillness. He is showing you what soul is- now seek that! You’re children are a spark of the Universe and they mirror your essential divinity and in turn; teach him what’s real, teach him life. After all he came in for a human experience. Teach him of the spit that occurs before ever decision, teach him that there is pain, but that pain is also where light enters. Teach your little girl of the fairy tale of sleeping beauty; that the beauty was woken up not by a True Love’s kiss but upon the birth of her baby after she was raped by the charming prince. Dark and dire to tell little children but at least they know prince charming can screw them up too and in this fairy tale, literally! How would one put across a dark subject like this to a child, now that you can see through the miserable job that’s done in the name of parenting, don’t have kids till you figure out yourself. If you are able to see through the madness of your reality, then you’ve touched liberation; there is still hope! When your child is born- look at it as if your teacher is born, partner with him but not with the conditionality of only making you happy.